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01 June 2015 @ 01:10 am
So obviously I didn't get around coming back to blogging here
to be honest, I don't really blog anywhere else either..
I kept up with my actual journaling though! ..somewhat haha.
I've definitely not written everyday
I don't think I'm going to delete anything from this blog
It's nice to come back to it every now and then
Last I've been on here, I was starting college
As of right now, I'm still in college... a different one
An actual college this time lol a university
not some shady ass vocational
I'm still working at the arena ..it actually changed names
tbh I want to quit...
Things have definitely turned up since my last appearance on here
Frankly, reading the private posts I've made were bringing back some tears here.
So, I feel that I absolutely have to come back and say "hey, things are okay now."
Things could be better, but I'm marginally better where I'm at now
I'm at the point in my life where I've come to another stop
not depressed or anything
but I feel lacking...in something.
Next you'll hear from me is when I've hopefully figured some shit out
カレームード: nostalgicnostalgic
カレー音楽: Budapest by George Ezra
28 October 2012 @ 01:45 am
I've been thinking about renaming my LJ
for many reasons
like how it's so irrelevant to how i am today LOL
well not totally irrelevant but 
it's just...not...me anymore lol
thing is, I wouldn't really know what to change it to anyway
plus you need LJ tokens or whatever
and im like
no thanks
oh wow. 
hmmm what did you miss?
got a job at the lovely HP Pavilion 
it's intense but i think it's because it's just the first day
and i have social anxiety
and then the pressure hits
and yeah
but i think once i keep working, i will get used to it
in other news...halloween is coming up!
uhm and that;s it other than I DID SOME AWESOME SHOPPING TODAY
well i didnt get as much as i wanted but you know..whatevs i still got cute stuff
stuff that's so....Holland-y (not the country, the lovely actress i addoooree)
so anyways, yep that's it. NIGHT
カレームード: anxiousanxious
16 September 2012 @ 06:33 pm
Hello there, darlings~
It's been forever
perhaps, too long.
A lot has definitely changed.
like almost everything you've known about me 
from reading this blog
has dissapated into just memories
Anyways, I'm on my first year of college
totally not doing what I wanted to do
it feels like it's been YEAARSS
but I'm only 17
turning 18 in a few months
my god lol it's like im not growing
......actually, there's alot and at the same time not much to talk about
really want to get back into lj blogging and such
but over time of leaving lj 
i've lost contact from old friends and fandom buddies
so if you're reading this (lol if you're still ON lj)
and you want to catch up, PM me or wtv, comment, or wtv you want
:) later~

BTW! if you have a tumblr, lemme know~

カレームード: blankblank
15 March 2012 @ 02:08 pm
Been using my GetGlue account a lot now 
and I'm just checking in and getting my stickers
aah collecting 
Can't wait to get physical copies of them! 
OH BABY, I want the Grimm stickers 

I should do physio hw 
I have like 20+ questions to do 
and I've been soo lazy
I should take a nap first---no
want to take a nap
but i shouldnt
nope .. 
I want to work on spanish project
but at the same time i dont want to 

Tonight is ep. 3 of Awake~! 
i want to really actually pay attention to this ep
the past two eps ive been trying to juggle the show and other responsibilities 
plus I'm doing this blog lolol 
aaaah i should go
13 March 2012 @ 10:37 pm

I'm never formal even though i should or...idk....my teacher is cool lolol 

Compare and Contrast between the kidney of a human and a sheep.

Right off the bat, Austin and I saw that the sheep kidney was rather…bland.  It didn’t have any other striking features other than the ureter, renal pyramid, and the rest of the grey (gray?) solid. When we really sat down and compared it to the book’s diagram of the human kidney, we saw that the sheep kidney also had the major calyx, renal medulla, and renal pelvis. I couldn’t even see the minor calyx well and I probably never saw it at all. There’s not much else to say about what was there but there’s plenty of what wasn’t there. Like mentioned earlier, I didn’t see a minor calyx and I did not see a defined renal column. In the book, it had a shell shape (or I don’t know; I guess the shape plus the lines made me think of a shell) but, in the sheep’s kidney all I saw was grey and a darker mark. There’s nothing wrong with keeping things simple though. Also, I didn’t see any veins or arteries.  And the diagram shows that the veins and arteries are involved with filtering, correct? So…I wonder how sheep filter their stuff or maybe they don’t need to. I don’t know I’m not a sheep person (I like alpacas though.) Oh! What the sheep had that the diagram didn’t was a larger ureter?  Well, I guess we weren’t supposed to focus on that? But oh well. …Hey, are you reading this? I mean it’s cool if you’re not but you know…just wondering.  Really trying to find some more similarities and stuff but I can’t so now onto conclusion: What I got from comparing the two is that the human organ is more complex than the sheep’s (unless the sheep had invisible complex parts).  WWHAT WAIT A SECOND. I don’t understand. I googled sheep kidney, google gave me the suggest of “sheep kidney dissection guide”, and when I looked it up on google images, the kidney had stuff labeled that I didn’t see like the renal papillae. Maybe we cut it wrong D:  Bleh, but this is half a page already….. Here is the picture of the kidney I DID NOT SEE. 

26 February 2012 @ 01:56 am
Ah somehow 
I was lead to memory lane
playing back all the songs from 3 years ago
or 4 actually....
but anyways ah they were a really big part of my life
my youth =w=;;
i feel so old now lol
i still like them all~
and all
but they're just not as big xD
lol it's all because i got a little taste of a different kind of men xD
but uh going to Japan this summer
sooo im definitely keeping my eyes open
because if i see any of the boys
ima flip my shit xD
so in another note on the japan trip
idk if i'll really see any of them
im going to countryside to see some family
i'm so excited~ 
12 February 2012 @ 04:04 pm
It's been how many years since that day?
Honestly, I don't remember
I just remember it was on this day
when God took you away from us
I wonder how your mother's doing.
Last I heard she...was not in pretty good shape
I wonder how your brothers are
Doing fine I hope
most of all, I hope you're alright
Miss you, buddy
even though we didn't talk much
we had great times 
great summer times
You really liked Spongebob then
well, you're not missing much 
high school's a bore lol
graduation is way stressful 
worrying about the future
yours is all bright from here on out huh?
I'm so happy for you :)
well I pray you're safe.
See you later
10 February 2012 @ 05:05 pm
I don't really have a favorite movie. I just like to enjoy them and move on xD So my list won't be long. 
  • Grimm Season 1: I looove the series and at time I'm not sure if I just want to hurry up and buy the DVD or be patient and watch all the lovely eps while it's still on and not on break LOL idk weird feeling. never had it. 
  • Contraband: because that was a damn good movie. 
  • Misfits (all seasons): because I adore the show xD It's funny enough to crack me up every time I watch it even if I had the DVDs in my possession.
  • Lost Girl Season 1: another show I love so far. I know there are more seasons but I gotta make sure I still dig it by the end of season 1.
  • SHAME: not only am I looking for dat fass, I like McQueen's work and find it unfortunate I wasn't able to see the movies while it was on theaters :< I find the plot and focus interesting and since it's a topic not usually touched (especially on the person of the manifestation), it feels like something new...yet ...old idk. i can't describe thoughts properly since I don't speak (or write) much xD
  • Game of Thrones Season 1: I gobbled up the series and also George R.R. Martin has taught me so much and through his books provided new insight to me. There were things in ASoIaF that changed my life.
  • Bridesmaids: lol it was just hilarious and i can't get "Hold on" out of my head after that
  • A Dangerous Method: yes, another fassy film. but I actually studied Freud and Jung in psych so even watching the trailers I was all giddy and excited because it would relate to the things I've studied! Idk i find it fascinating I can actually use the shit I learn in school.
Ok well that's the list.
29 January 2012 @ 09:49 pm
  I would be skinnier
  I'd have something going for me
  I would have a back up plan (called operation: become a model)
  My dream would've lived
like everyone else,
  I would be happier
not lazy,
  I would be more secure
more involved (in volunteering, group discussions, social settings,)
  I would have a life
not a coward, 
 I would have died a long time ago
  I wouldn't use excuses or crutches

as much as i want to be these things and as much as someone says it's easy and to just do it
as much as i work for it, something always stops meo

and i try again
and again
and again

and I'm tired
and should accept that I can't be these things
and should start living with these things
than live against it
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カレームード: tiredtired
my dream of studying in Franklin College Switzerland for my 4 years of college
I  got accepted
but unfortunately, FASFA doesnt really do shit for it
and ...it's just too expensive
and so, it died
died before we could ever have that happy ending
my dream...was like a lover to me
I wanted my dream so bad.
only my dream
i adored and did my best to protect it.
I ignored criticism because I believed in it
and when it died,
i wanted to die.
not going to lie but....I was really..distraught last night
i was ready to jump ship
because i know im worthless
and my future is once again unstable
I loved that dream
and it can never come back
I dont think i'll get another dream
never again. 
I will never dream again.
The only difference between love with people and with my dream
is that I wish I never knew about it
I don't think people who've lost loved ones wish they never met them
but at least they had good times
I never got much 
Now, I'm really confused and scared
some friends tell me i shouldnt give up
but i've done the math and its fucking logic that i wont get to fulfill it
sure maybe one day i can go there 
but....its not the same
ugh i dont feel like explaining it. but just trust me on this one
its not happening. 
Tags: ,